My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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