a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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