btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
