u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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