White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
