Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
