Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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