Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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