dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
