Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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