I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
