lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
