Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
