I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
