I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
