i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
