I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
