Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
