TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
