bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
