i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
