I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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