my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
