nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
