Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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