margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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