Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no, he came in my armpit
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
