Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
