so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
