Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
