she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
