I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No subtext here. People are naked.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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