the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
