Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
