I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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