I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
