Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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