We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
