I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
