he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
