when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
