I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
