btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
