She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
