apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
