If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
