Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
