hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
