I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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