drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dicks are not precious.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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