you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
