Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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