This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
