I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
