Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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